A few tips for combating loneliness when living abroad

The first few days, maybe months, of living abroad are hectic, coming with their load of activities of all kinds ranking from flat searching to roaming through administrative labyrinths. And then what? Boredom and loneliness might hit you hard. You have done all you needed to do, at least most of it, and now the quiet time makes you realize that your social circle is far away. And you look at the sunsets and they raise feelings of nostalgia, sadness, or just meh.

I felt this before. Each time I moved abroad. I thought that a solid mix of growing up and experience would prevent such waves of lonely feelings. They did not. I did learn a few things though, which I want to share with you.

A shy yet lovely sunset over Starnberger See

Let it happen and embrace it

With moving abroad come big expectations, from yourself and your relatives. It is a source of much excitement and involves months of preparation.

You have taken a strong decision by yourself, and you stuck with it. And yet, despite it being your own decision, you feel shitty. Despite having all the reasons in the world to be happy, you start missing your comfort zone. Despite working hard towards your goals, you would rather go back.

In your new room, you feel lonely. Well, my one advice to you is: do not feel guilty about it and fully embrace it. It is ok to feel bad. It is perfectly normal to have a down moment after months of planning your big move and making it happen. You were always busy with many things on your mind and surrounded by the people who knew you best. Now you find yourself where you wanted to be, and it might be different from what you expected. It might be great but overwhelming. It will take time adjusting to your new daily life.

When the lonely feelings hit me during these moments, I tried to personalize them by welcoming them like an old friend. A bit like the Simon and Garfunkel song. "Hello loneliness", I think, "we will stay together for a while, and then we shall part again". I promise you that the third time around, this little technique made it all go faster.

Reach out to people you trust

To be honest with you, this has been a hard one for me. I tend to keep to myself and rarely share my feelings when these are made of sadness and others. I also have a terrible tendency to wait for people to realise that I am doing bad, which is obviously impossible for them to know if I do not express it. It ends up in a situation where I get even sadder by myself. Stupid.

Yet, when people unexpectedly reached out to me in those moments of loneliness, it always helped. It might not fully make you feel better again on the moment, but hearing a familiar voice and getting to know about what is happening in their life will feel good.

The people who care about you will not judge the feelings you are having. They will appreciate that you are telling them honestly about your own feelings, and they might even offer you strong advice on how to feel better. See, there is nothing to lose from a little phone call with a friend or relative.

Do something you love, or at least like

Cooking, reading, hiking, shopping, visiting museums, watching a TV show... Whichever is your hobby, indulge in it when you feel loneliness hitting hard. Free time is your occasion to relax or work on something that feels good to you. You might not feel like doing any of this at all when you are reaching peak loneliness, but it is actually a good way to alleviate it. Again, it will not make those feelings go away fully, but it will provide you with some relief.

We find comfort in what feels familiar to us. Moving abroad is a huge step out of the comfort one, so treat yourself with something that lays within your comfort zone. You have already done something strong.

Take part to a meet-up, or a group activity

The week before I started work was great. At least until Wednesday. That day, I was hit by these empty lonely feelings during the evening. I had spent pretty much three days by myself, during which I felt great and discovered my new city, but the evening of the third day took a different twist. I did not know what to do with myself anymore, and I was longing for social contact with people who were close to me. I felt overwhelmed with guilt when complaining to my closed ones about how I felt because they helped me to get to Munich, which was my own decision. In my mind then, nothing could help.

I had registered a few days before to Meet-Up drinks set to take place that very evening. This group gathered newcomers to Munich at a local bar. I headed there, feeling completely down and convinced that it would be terrible. After a rocky start made of awkward conversations and silences, I ended up meeting nice people and had much fun. I came back home feeling much happier than when I left it. Meeting with total strangers is not always guaranteed to make you feel better, but it is worth trying. If you did not like the moment, being by yourself will feel a bit better. If you enjoy the moment, your feelings of loneliness will fly away. Here is a win-win situation.

Voilà, here is my two cents on the subject. If you are going through a lonely time, I hope this makes you feel better. And you can always contact me if you feel like talking about it :)