#ReclaimTheNight

The other side of the sunset. When nighttime falls and the stories become darker.

Trigger warning: contains mentions of sexual harassment

I have been wanting to write about this subject for a while. About three months ago, as the world looked in shock and fear at the story of Sarah Everad unraveling, women all around the world shared their experience of insecurity, fear and violence faced when walking at night. Here, at the heart of London, a woman was kidnapped and killed by a police officer. The worst-case scenario, the most gruesome details, and the victim a lot of women could relate to. She did everything deemed as right, wearing trainers, calling her partner... I said deemed as right because there shouldn't be a right way to dress or act when simply walking home, you should be able to wear heels without fearing having to run, you should be able to leave your phone at home without this meaning you have no one to contact in case of danger.

This one event, now forgotten in the silence of the press and public discourse, raised awareness on a daily struggle that so many of us, if not all of us, face when wanting to simply exist outdoors past a certain time. Or even during the daytime. Most of the time you put yourself outside of your own home. And this post is not even focusing on gender violence happening within the home, though it should be underlined that for a much too high number of women, violence is simply something that happens to them just because they exist and wherever they exist.

This post is about reclaiming the night and the public space, a cry of anger at the fact that, as a woman, it is simply impossible to enjoy walking outside by yourself at night without a tingling sensation of fear. This post is born out of the will to also speak out, after reading and hearing so many testimonies of friends, relatives and acquaintances, celebrities and activists, women from all around the world sharing their stories. We all related to these posts describing how we were on high alert as soon as we walked past a group of men or a single man. How we cross the streets, how our hearts beat faster when someone approaches or walks too close to us. Inspiring ladies shared their self-defense tactics, from holding your keys as a defense weapon, having your headphones in but the music off to potentially hear an assailant, looking down to avoid eye contact, sharing your localisation with a trusted friend, or the classic being on the phone to an acquaintance. But again women were encouraged to take action when the discourse should have been men encouraged to just change their actions or lack of.

I raised the subject with male relatives and acquaintances, whose silence was speaking louder than words. The overall reaction was #notallmen, if any reaction at all. Very little awareness of why they should speak out, why they should educate their problematic acquaintance who has used violent or derogatory language towards women, why they should reconsider their ways of acting, thinking, and behaving to provide a safe environment for women.

It took a gruesome murder of a white woman in the middle of London for some to finally wake up to what their mothers, sisters, and friends are living. I don't want to imagine what it would take for all men to be ready to just even take part in change actions. There was for a while a video circulating of a guy dressing up as a woman and walking around the streets, being secretly filmed while other men sexually abused him verbally. I was happy that it could raise awareness, but it would be even better that it doesn't take a man dressing up and experiencing abuse to show men that they should care. Rather when a woman tells of her experience of what she is living and feeling, she is being listened to with respect and care.

When we say that we are afraid of walking home alone, it is because our experience has been filled with catcalling, threats, gestures, and scary actions such a being followed. It is because if we react and fight back, this puts us in danger. It is because if we ignore it all, this puts us in danger. It is because if we talk about it, this puts us in danger and at the risk of facing a lack of acknowledgment. It is also because if we wish to legally file a complaint, there is a high chance of not being taken seriously.

From the group of idiots in the underground telling out loud what they would sexually do to you if they could, loud and clear and in front of other people, heads hidden by their newspapers or pretending not to hear, to the guy touching himself while staring at you, from the guy grabbing your ass as he walks past you to the one following you to your door and so many other disgusting occurrences, these are only examples taken out of my personal experience.

A few months down to the line and not much has changed. There has been a lot more Sarah Everard all across the world. If you are a man reading this post, please please raise the subject with the women around you, ask how you can improve, educate yourself, and don't dismiss it by saying that as you don't do it, you don't have a role to play. Be an active ally, always.