Navigating the almost post-covid return to social life (in a new city as an introvert)

Crap, how do we do social again.

New city, new sunsets : welcome to Regensburg

Let's start with a jump back to the end of the first wave of covid. When meeting more than one person became acceptable again. Do you remember the awkwardness of the first few meetings? Did you feel self-conscious as to how you talked, how you looked, how you interacted? Did you feel like texting your friends afterward, apologizing for how you behaved?

If so, welcome to the club. If not, you are probably a super extrovert with lots of social skills. Fair play to you.

Being confined for the best part of two months, only interacting with yourself and your flatmates, living in your pyjamas, free of any social expectations, and then being thrown back into social life. That was a bit tough. And then came the second wave, the third, the fourth... We've lost count at this rate.

Fast-forward to early 2022, everything reopens fully, clubs, bars, cinemas, festivals. The little virus is still running around, wreaking havoc, but social life comes back. With no guide whatsoever as to how to handle it.

Going to public places still does not feel so natural, a cough will have you mildly panic and turn around promptly to see its source and assess the risk, and an evening in a stuffy pub will have you analyse your body for potential symptoms the following days. This awkwardness is slowly fading away, but slowly is the keyword here.

Now add to the mix that this return to social life takes place in a city you've never lived in before, where they speak a language you still don't fully master, and you are an introvert with friends scattered around the world, but none of the close ones present in said city.

Well, strangely, these circumstances do help! And you'll see, that applies to being in a new city in general.

Do you feel awkward? The good news, almost all of us do. We've all lost our social habits, or at least part of them, while being stuck at home for what felt like an eternity. We've lost hours of subjects of conversations as our daily life consisted of the same day on repeat, with the occasional bread baking or even more occasional sport sesh in front of some YouTube video. But do you know what we gained in common? Hours and hours of introspection.

Meeting with people now is fascinating as the conversations go deeper, and we've all more or less taken major decisions regarding our lifestyles. These years of standby stuck somewhere in the limbos, forced all of us to take a backseat and observe our lives, from our job satisfaction, our social circles, and our purpose in general. Now is the time when we can all exchange about all that introspection, and I find it beautiful. We can also all relate as we went through tough events all at the same time.

If you've moved to a new city or country before, you know how it can be the occasion to re-invent yourself. The almost post covid to social life is similar.

When I moved to London to study, I left behind the image I had of myself. France was associated with bullying and being shy, the UK became the opportunity to get rid of that. New faces, new circles, you bring your same you and personality, while being able to leave behind what you did not like in your "past life".

A lot of our behaviour is also determined by the circumstance we find ourselves in. If you live abroad, you'll notice the moments when you go back to your original 'home'. When you see old friends and spend time with people who have not seen your evolution abroad. I've written a bit about that before, these are usually pretty confusing experiences.

Now, when you are in your new city, surrounded by new circumstances, you are more or less a blank canvas. Sure, you come with your personality, your life experience, your habits, etc. The idea is not to get rid of all of that, no. The idea here is, that what you did not like before, you can leave it behind, in a certain way. So you can do with the return to social life.

You are now awkward, and so is everyone, but you get to connect on a deeper level with new people and can challenge yourself to be closer to what you want to be, isn't it great? I'd even argue that most of us became a tiny bit more introverted.

Let's add to the mix a new language. Now comes what can be the tough part. I have learned German for 8 years in school, did conversation classes, then let it slowly fade away as I did not need it for a few years. It's quite surprising how fast you can forget a language. I used to be able to do full essays in German, and I found myself unable to hold a conversation a few years later as I moved to Munich.

How do you relate and engage in conversations, let alone deeper ones, when the language is a barrier, in a country that will not necessarily interact with you in English?

Well, no magic answer here, you struggle a bit. It will be frustrating at times, you'll feel like a child in an adult world, and you'll fear judgment and mistakes. However, because we are all about seeing a bit of the positive side here, you also get to see who is truly lovely at heart and will help you and still try to interact with you. And it will bring you closer to the friends you share a culture or a language with.

And this ties in with all of the above points about returning to social life. Now that you've done your introspection and that you have a blank social canvas you can paint on, you get to truly select people who are right for you and who help you be that person you are. People who will appreciate you despite the difficulties, people who share similar experiences, and who will feel extra relatable. It does not have to be dozens of them, it can be even that one person.

And you've done your introspection, or are still in the process of doing it. So you probably have a better knowledge of what you want, what your passions are, and the type of social life you want. So here is to us, making the best of this strange return to life outside the home. Exciting times!